Irreversible
by Lou130
Summary: It's the night before her wedding, and Ginny's having doubts. Will those doubts be reinforced or extinguished by a letter from an old flame?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...everything belongs to JK Rowling. Oh & there's a Gandhi quote in there.**

"So before your wonderful mother brings out the dessert, I'd like to say a few words," Arthur said as he stood up.

Everyone turned their heads obediently in the direction of the head of the table. He shot a quick wink towards Ginny before beginning.

"Firstly, I want to say thank you to all of you for coming tonight and that I look forward to seeing you all dressed up tomorrow. Fred, if you could make your hair at least someway presentable, that would be good." Angelina patted Fred's cheek softly as everybody laughed.

"What I really wanted to say though, was how proud I am of my daughter. You've always gone after what you wanted, ever since you were a little girl. After all, to believe in something and not to live it, is dishonest." Ginny nodded at mention of the words he used to repeat to her whilst she was growing up.

"I hope this gives you everything you're looking for, Gin." As tears filled her eyes, Arthur lifted his glass and said clearly "To Ginny."

The table followed suit, before continuing on with their previous conversations. The evening passed quickly after that. Ginny answered several people's query of "Are you nervous?" with a tight smile and a shake of her head. Truth is, she wasn't nervous. She could stand at the alter in a white dress and utter some pretty words. She was, however, nervous about after. Marriage should be forever and Ginny was nervous that her heart wasn't in it forever. She had told herself that that certainty would come when a ring was on her fourth finger. Now she wasn't so sure.

After Ginny had retired to the small pale blue room that had been her childhood bedroom, she sat in the loveseat overlooking the garden. What was it that she was looking for? She wasn't sure she had asked herself that question too often, nor looked too closely at the answers. Was Harry what she truly wanted? He had been when she was younger, no doubt about it. But people changed. Ginny had given up on Harry and gotten to know a certain blonde Slytherin. He was rude, cynical and beautiful. Most of all though, he made her laugh. Somehow, at a point she had never quite been able to pin down, she had fallen in love with him. After he left, the war happened and nothing was the same again.

Perhaps that's why Harry loved her, she mused. Harry saw her as stable. In his mind, the war had not changed her. Maybe it didn't, but before the war Draco Malfoy had definitely changed her. She would sneak into his private dorm every night and they would discuss everything from classes and families to hopes and dreams. He was the one who told her that if her dreams didn't scare her, then that meant they weren't big enough. His words prompted her to apply, train and qualify as a Healer soon after finishing Hogwarts.

An owl's talon scraping at her bedroom window knocked her out of her reverie. She jumped to her feet before sliding open the window. The large black Eagle owl strolled in and extended his leg towards her. Clasped in his foot was a scroll. After feeding the owl a treat, Ginny sat back down. She'd recognised the owl immediately. Only one Wizarding family was ostentatious enough to own such beautiful creatures. Heart racing, she took a deep breath before unravelling the scroll and beginning to read.

_Dear Ginny,_

_As I write this letter, you are less than 24 hours away from becoming a wife. Due to my own stupid decisions, I will not be the man waiting for you at the end of the aisle tomorrow. We have not been together since you were just 15 years old, and yet I have thought of you and our time together every day since. I wonder if you are still the force of nature that I once knew - I hope that you are._

_I don't know what I hope to accomplish by writing to you. I suppose I finally feel able to give you an explanation, albeit 5 years too late. The way I behaved on that final night was inexcusable. I should have told you what was going on, you deserved the truth. You still do. As I'm sure you know now, Voldemort threatened the lives of my family if I did not murder Dumbledore. I failed in this mission and Snape took my place. Believe me when I say that I would have been successful in my mission had I not fallen in love with you. The only thought running through my mind up in the tower was that you were far too good to love a murderer. And so I lowered my wand. I realise that I am far from innocent in all of this, but I am not a murderer. I have you to thank for that._

_Once that terrible night was over, I was too stubborn to write to you. I was angry at you for calling me a coward and I was angry at myself for not telling you everything. Weeks turned into months, months turned into years and I never wrote to you. I cannot apologise enough for everything I've done. I realise that sending this the night before your wedding is selfish and completely unfair to you. I fear that if I do not send this letter now, I probably never will._

_A beautiful, fiery redhead once told me that you never forget your first love. She was right, of course, although she didn't tell me that I'd be irreversibly altered by my first love. You changed me, Gin. You taught me what it was to love another more than my own life. For that, and many other things, I will always be grateful._

_I love you. Endlessly._

_D_

Swiping away her tears, she pocketed the scroll and grabbed a piece of parchment from her desk. She scrawled a quick note, pulled on her cloak and flew down the stairs.

She left the note on the kitchen table before apparating away.

**Quick author's note: thank you to everyone who has read/reviewed so far. Next chapter should be up over the weekend.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...everything belongs to JK Rowling.**

**There's something that Draco says about "mad, passionate...extraordinary" that is quoted from the film Dream of an Insomniac.**

...

The irritating pounding on his appartment door had woken Harry up. He trudged towards it thinking it was Ron, that he had forgotten something as usual. His eyes widened as he took in his fiancée's form, looking frantic as she stood in his doorway.

"Erm. Hey. Isn't this bad luck or something?"

Ginny nodded. "Or something."

He stepped aside to let her in and she took a seat at his kitchen table. As he joined her, a sense of foreboding came over him.

She kept her explanation short and sweet; Harry didn't deserve for this to be long, drawn out and all the more painful. She explained that although she cared for him deeply, it wasn't enough to make a marriage successful. They both deserved better than that. He hadn't said much, just nodded now and again. However, Ginny noticed that his hands drew into fists when she told him that she had unresolved feelings for someone else. Harry didn't ask who, she suspected that he didn't need to.

When the time came for her to leave, she took off her engagement ring, kissed his cheek and shut the door behind her softly. Harry would be alright, she told herself, he had survived far worse.

…

Draco was sitting in front of the fire in the old leather armchair cradling yet another glass of firewhiskey. Thoughts of Ginny ran through his head almost constantly.

A movement in the doorway caught his eye. He turned to see Mumbles standing awkwardly, the elf was clearly nervous about disturbing him.

"Yes?" He growled a bit too sharply.

"Master Draco, you have a visitor." Mumbles' ears flattened against his head as he replied.

He nodded his head once as he turned his attention back to the fire. As he heard Mumbles leave, he sent up a silent prayer _Merlin, please don't be Potter come to gloat._ Draco didn't think he could handle that.

He sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose before deciding to watch his visitor enter the lounge. When he looked up, Ginny was leaning casually against the oak door frame.

They stared at each other for a few minutes in silence.

"Hi," she whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

Draco swallowed thickly.

"Hey, baby."

She rolled her eyes at the term of endearment he reserved for when she used to show up announced to his room. She noticed the glass in his hand and gestured towards it.

"Trouble sleeping?"

"Just toasting the happy couple." He drawled, then pulled out the trademark Malfoy smirk. Ginny raised a delicate eyebrow at this.

"At gone three in the morning?"

Realising how late it was, he frowned momentarily.

"Time flies, doesn't it?"

She murmured an assent and looked towards the fire. Draco watched her as she did this, flames dancing within her milk chocolate eyes. Her hair longer than before, still the same striking red, reached half way down her back. She looked good, Draco mused, better than good really. Dressed in a sapphire blue chiffon blouse, tight black jeans and knee-high black boots, she was clearly a grown woman now. The schoolgirl in the Hogwarts uniform was nowhere to be seen and Draco couldn't help but think she looked even more beautiful.

"Five years, Draco." She turned her attention back to him, tears filling her eyes. He placed his glass on the floor before leaning forward and clasping his hands together.

"Why are you here, Gin?"

She hesitated. Why was she there? What was she doing standing in his house after all this time? Where should she begin?

"I came to tell you that your apology isn't necessary...If you had written that letter 5 years ago, I would have burnt it. Not that I didn't love you, but because what we had wouldn't have survived back th-"

"I disagree," he interrupted.

Ginny scoffed. "So you would've been happy to tell your pureblood loving parents that you were in love with the Weasley girl?"

"I did tell them - my mother at least. And you are a pureblood, you moron." He spoke the last sentence slowly as if speaking to a small child. Ginny ignored him being a prat, and spluttered.

"You told her?"

"Mmm. Interesting conversation, as I'm sure you can imagine." He lifted his drink and downed what remained.

"But...the war...I…?"

"The war had no bearing on how I felt about you." His slate grey eyes imploring her to believe him. "When my mother asked why I wasn't interested in the Dark Lord's business and all of that nonsense, I told her straight."

"Straight?"

"That pureblood politics and racists agendas held little appeal for me before I fell in love with you, and even less after."

Ginny was completely shell-shocked. She had believed that he would put his families beliefs above his own, at least when it came to their relationship. In reality, he had been far braver than she. Back then, there was no way she would have admitted loving an "enemy".

Whilst she stood there, Draco grew impatient. He sighed.

"Continue - I shouldn't have interrupted you"

"Oh...I...Okay...So I didn't think we'd ever work whilst the war was happening, and then after, obviously I thought you felt the same. Why else would we not exchange a single word since that night? And then...Harry. He was the easy choice. I...I just, I didn't want to be lonely anymore, and he was a distraction from that. A distraction from you." She was speaking hurriedly now, as she always did when she was wound up. Not sure that he wanted to know the answer, Draco interrupted again.

"Do you love him?"

She frowned as if it wasn't something she had considered recently.

"Maybe I did. I thought so once, at least. But it was…ordinary."

Draco shook his head slowly before sighing. He was torn between wishing that she had experienced every happiness during their time apart, and being insanely jealous that someone else had been lucky enough to call her their own.

"Love shouldn't be like that. Too many things in life are ordinary. Love should be mad, passionate...extraordinary."

"Love like you & I had?" Ginny smiled softly, as her eyes took on a faraway quality that told Draco she was remembering old memories.

"Like you & I." Draco nodded once.

"I should have believed in us. Like you did. I want to believe in us. Or at least...I believe in how I feel about you, and that this," she gestured between the two of them, "should get a chance. A real chance. A proper chance."

She paused to lick her lips before she said the most important thing.

"So I called off the wedding. Draco, I never stopped being in love with you."

Draco took a deep breath, and stood up slowly. He crossed the room and when he was a step away, reached out and cupped Ginny's cheek. She leaned her face into his palm slightly as his eyes traced her face. A tear trickled slowly down her face. He was touching her for the first time in half a decade. He smelt the same, subtle expensive cologne paired with fabric softener. To her, he smelled like home.

His hand slowly left her cheek, traced the column of her neck, and followed the line of her arm. When he reached her hand, he threaded the fingers of his right with her left and gave a gentle tug. She stepped forward on cue, and he slowly leaned forward until their foreheads were touching.

He tangled his hand in the hair just behind her ear and stared into her eyes. Eventually, he let out a tired sigh and spoke in a martyred tone of voice.

"Well, I suppose we have to give it a go, don't we?"

Ginny grinned impishly before replying.

"Of course we do. You love me, after all."

Draco grinned back, before his expression became serious and his eyes blazed with sincerity.

"Always."

His eyes moved down her face until they were staring at her mouth, and then he was kissing her. Softly at first, then all at once. He kissed her until she couldn't remember how she ever thought that marrying anybody but him was a good idea.

**Author's note: Thank you for reading. Reviews etc. are greatly appreciated. 3**


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